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Post by welshhoppo on Sept 16, 2017 17:11:34 GMT
He almost died from the infection. Irusk had to step in to save him. But he did break his weapons in half. And he chopped Triumphs arm off. In the same swing. Can you possibly rewrite that with fewer pronouns? I can't figure out who's dying from infection or whose weapon got broken in half. I could, but he wouldn't be too impressed that I, being myself and me, would cut down on ones personal pronoun use. Especially as he is watching everything that I do. But fine, Orsus hit Siege all of once, breaking his weapons in half. Orsus then bisected Triumph and dragged Siege to Irusk. Who then ordered that Siege not die, and because Irusk is the supreme Kommandant he did not die.
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Post by elricaltovilla on Sept 16, 2017 17:18:06 GMT
Can you possibly rewrite that with fewer pronouns? I can't figure out who's dying from infection or whose weapon got broken in half. I could, but he wouldn't be too impressed that I, being myself and me, would cut down on ones personal pronoun use. Especially as he is watching everything that I do. But fine, Orsus hit Siege all of once, breaking his weapons in half. Orsus then bisected Triumph and dragged Siege to Irusk. Who then ordered that Siege not die, and because Irusk is the supreme Kommandant he did not die. So Lola's still in one piece? I'm glad to hear it. That means my Lola x Rathrok pairing could still happen.
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Post by welshhoppo on Sept 16, 2017 17:24:54 GMT
I could, but he wouldn't be too impressed that I, being myself and me, would cut down on ones personal pronoun use. Especially as he is watching everything that I do. But fine, Orsus hit Siege all of once, breaking his weapons in half. Orsus then bisected Triumph and dragged Siege to Irusk. Who then ordered that Siege not die, and because Irusk is the supreme Kommandant he did not die. So Lola's still in one piece? I'm glad to hear it. That means my Lola x Rathrok pairing could still happen. Lola is like Dragonslayer, it ain't breaking anytime soon.
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